While looking for pictures that I could use for this particular article, I stumbled across a list explaining to girls the signs of falling for someone.
Now, had I or any other girl saw this graphic prior to writing or reading this article, I would carefully read it, related to it, and then maybe gushed 25% of my time thinking about that particular crush of mine. However, after a ladies night out, a couple of epiphanies, and a few interviews with guys, I came to realize that this list really meant absolutely nothing.....
It was on our way home, from a night out in the town, when one my best friends received a text from a guy friend confessing his love to her. After reading the text out loud and expressing her feelings of shock, naturally the rest us chimed in our "two cents"(psychological analysis that we are able to come up with in a two minute time period). We needed to reason out this revealed mystery. It wasn't until the conversation ended and I was at my house that I rethought the situation. Maybe we were looking to much into this. Is it possible this guy's feelings towards her were blatantly obvious the whole time?
So, using Facebook, I asked a wide range of men – from the “Bros” to the “average Joe’s”-- the question:
- Well in most cases looks are what grabs guys attention and makes them want to pursue a girl for obvious hook up reasons, but I think a guy knows he "likes" a girl after he has hung out with her or even just saw things in her that he likes lol. Like when a guy gets mad or annoyed that other guys are talking to that particular girl or when he cant get her off his mind, for any reason other than hooking up... those are the telling signs that he "likes" her or has a thing for her. Usually I can tell if my friends like a girl if they talk about her a lot... like " I saw her in the DC she looked so hot, I wanted to talk to her, but she was eating with some loser". Something along those lines show that he likes her or cares enough to talk shit on another kid he doesn't know just for the fact that she’s showing another guy interest.
- I don't know much about dating. I was with the same girl for six years and I've only ever been with two other girls. From what I've felt in the past six months, life-partnerships develop in the same way that friendships do with a few differences, those being comfortable sexual tension and eagerness. If I've got a thing for you, you can expect text messages at random times about irrelevant stuff. For me, it's all obvious observable behavior. When a friend is starting to see a new girl I usually notice a sharp drop-off of contact in the first few weeks between them and myself. Guys get obsessed in the same ways that girls do and in a healthy relationship, you will find an equilibrium between time with friends and time with a significant other.
- Well, I think it’s easy to tell when a guy friend is falling for a girl when you simply start seeing less and less of him because he’s spending time with her [just because he’s not going to blow off his friends for a girl unless he’s into her]. I would say I'm actually into a girl when I’m willing to take a night off from drinking to just spend time with her.
- I notice a guy is falling for a girl is when they are always talking, calling, or seeing them all the time. They don't talk to you as much for a while until he feels content with the relationship. How we know when we fall for a girl is when we don't spend as much time with friends or doing stuff with them all the time. When you're making time for any person you are falling for.
- Usually you know your friends falling for a girl you don’t see him as much. Best guy friends always hang out with each other and when you don’t hear from him or see him that much, you can tell he’s starting to really like the girl. Or, when you start seeing the girl around more.... its annoying to have a girl around you when your with your guy friends. So if you see your best friend starting to bring the girl around, you can tell he’s falling for her. Once I know I’m falling for a girl, I can’t get her off my mind and I’m constantly trying to talk to her. Also, when I know I’m ready to meet her friends or family. If your just hooking up with a girl, you don’t want to go through all the family process so you don’t. But when you really do like her, you want everyone to know you’re with her.
- Well, I would say when a guy friend keeps bringing up the girl in conversation or when they constantly text/talk in general. You probably know you’re falling for a girl when you start thinking about her out of the blue (I guess and you normally wouldn't).
- I can tell when a guy is in love when he gives the girl more attention or lets her be more involved in his life. Another sign is if he mentions her more than usual. Sometimes, you can sense when people are in love; like how they look at each other or give each other nicknames and don’t care about the people around them. As for me, I know I'm falling for a girl when I can’t stop looking at her, thinking about her more than usual and going above and beyond just to see her happy or know that I'm thinking about her.
- Hmm… well the first one is tough because everyone is different. Some guys fall really easy and others don't at all. But, usually just by the way he talks about a girl if it’s genuine or not, gives it away. I'm pretty picky and for me to fall for someone everything has to click: smarts and looks are the main thing I look for. We do have to have great chemistry, though and the sex has to be really good -- it might sound bad, but I think it’s a huge part of any relationship. We have to connect on an intellectual level and be extremely comfortable together, but the tipping point is probably how she is in bed....in a nutshell.
- You know a friend is falling for a girl when he chooses to hang out with her alone rather than with his group of friends. You know when you fall for a girl when other girls don't even come into your thought process when you’re out at the same party.
- When you are hanging with friends and one of them starts falling for a girl, first he starts to talk about her, and the discussions become more frequent. You might start to see him less, and even notice a hickey or even a bra or something in his car. This changes to his bringing the girl around "the gang" as well as his answering calls and texts periodically while the guys are together, sometimes having to leave.When a guy starts to falls for a girl, they pretty much know right away. They think about her a lot, fantasize about her, talk about her, etc. If they begin to date, even with his friends, he thinks about her and looks forward to a call or a text. He may start to feel guilty and bring his "new girl" around his friends, so that he can have the best of both worlds, but this slowly becomes less and less frequent until he gets to the point where he is with her most of the time and seldom sees his friends. This can be a danger if you want a successful relationship. Both the man and woman had likes, interests, and friends BEFORE they met one another. This just CANNOT be forgotten. Clearly what the two of them like doing the most when together becomes most important to them, but being together 24/7 can be unhealthy, too. Sure it feels great at first, but then it gets old, and resentment can set in as somehow he has lost his friends. Wedding ceremonies warn of this when they say, "Love one another, but make not a bond of love...". What this means is to be in love and respect one another, but do not lose your individuality. Granted seeing your friends, or having guys night may only be one night monthly, or every other week, you should not forget what you once loved to do because it is, and still should be important. Clearly the love of your life has the center stage, but there still should be time for you to be...well, you!!!
- You can tell a guy is falling in love when they want to spend time with her more than their usual crew of friends. I can tell I am falling for a girl when I have a need to keep her safe and make her happy.
- I notice that I like a girl when there is silence and it is comfortable for both [of us]. I can tell when my friends fall for a girl when male social pressure is no longer an issue on their choice of women.
After receiving these answers, I was left with mixed thoughts and feelings. It was really cool getting guy perspectives. For the most part, all of their answers were very obvious, simplistic and straight forward. On the other hand, I realized the time a college girl spends wondering if a guy likes her or not, was not only n unnecessarily stressful, but also very wasteful.
So let this be a fair warning to all of you ladies: Don't over think it, if he's not showing the obvious signs, there's a good chance that he obviously is just not that into you. Author: Athena Gomez-Hipolito Editors: Hailey Walker and Dig Magazine's Nicolette Valencia Photography: Tumblr, Toy Story 3, The Notebook, Sabrina